just when i'm starting to appreciate the real benefits of breastmilk, i am faced yet again with another challenge. i've heard so many good things about breastmilk but i didn't know it would give me so many headaches as well.
my first dilemma was i didn't have milk when uno was born. they didn't want him to take formula so to feed him, we just gave him this water solution of some sort. no wonder he was crying all the time and just wouldn't sleep. i really thought he was getting his nourishment. that's when i told myself, it's time to drink more than 8 glasses of water a day. (still struggling with this rule actually.)
the 2nd problem was my boobs were too big. i think i went from 32b to 36c! i swear, the girls were just too heavy for me during the first few months. i already had back problems and they just made it worse.
then came the third, bml (breastmilk leakage). disposable pads are a big help -- when you're dressed. getting a leak just when you are about to towel yourself dry was too darn frustrating.
on uno's 3rd and 4th months, i struggled with him. why? coz he had breast preference. my left boob had more milk but for some reason he liked my right more. that left me with one boob bigger than the other on most days. not a pretty sight!
going through all that was worth it, knowing that uno will benefit from my milk. but to face another dilemma that i think i cannot handle, would be too much.
so what is it? well, he still wants my milk that's for sure, as long as it's from a bottle. seems like he prefers silicone than mine. grrrr. why would he want a hard teat in the first place?!
ever since i introduced uno to formula, i have this rule that whenever i'm with him, he will only "feed" from me. nowadays, that's a daunting task. he just wouldn't. the only time he feeds from me is when he's asleep. maybe coz he's too sleepy and hungry to care.
the more he rejects my milk, the more my milk will diminish. until eventually, he'd prefer formula and i'd stop producing milk. noooooooooooooooooooooooo! that's just too much. initially, i only intended to breastfeed uno until 6 months. but after realizing what the real benefits of my milk are, i want to breastfeed him for as long as i can.
i don't really know what the benefits of breastmilk are to uno. from what i've read, experts say it's better than formula. honestly, i wouldn't really know. all i know is:
- i can save a lot of money from breastmilk because it's free! it comes from me.
- when we're not at home, we don't need to lug around a very heavy bag with milk bottles. i just whip out my nursing cover and snap open my nursing bra and we're good.
- my milk has just the right temperature -- not too hot and not at all cold. just warm and perfect.
- my many sleepless nights are less stressful coz i don't need to get up every single time uno wakes up and needs to feed. same as #2, i just snap open my bra and that's it. i can continue with my sleep while uno eats at the same time. (if i haven't mentioned it, i practice co-sleeping).
- breastfeeding time is bonding time. it's uno's time with me, myself, and i. no one else.
- and last but not the least, i cannot keep uno all to myself. he needs to interact and play with other people. he needs to build relationships with his cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. uno needs friends and relatives so he can learn how to play, laugh, and love more. what's the connection with breastfeeding you ask? the activities that we do together, he can do them with other people. but i am proud to say that breastfeeding is the only activity that i do not share with anyone else. it's that one special thing that no one else can provide him but me.
i really would like to breastfeed longer. i just wish he'd prefer my soft (you know), than the silicone ones. i don't think i ever experienced post partum depression but if uno stops feeding from me, i think that would be the day.
momma dilemmas aside, seeing this just makes me smile and stop worrying for a bit.